Category: Dating

This is the dating section for stories and experience.

Day 3 – Relationship Challenge (Appreciation)

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Today is day three of the Relationship Challenge. I hope that you had a chance to use encouragement  and kindness over the last couple of days to try and lift someone up and motivate them in a positive manner. You will find out when going through these exercises that the little things mean more than you really think in most relationships and friendships. Continue to work on the past days exercises and progress forward and continue to experience the difference they make in your own life.

There are times in life when individuals do little things to help others out and it is not really recognized or acknowledged by others. This tends to be interpreted by that individual over time that they are not making a difference or that the other person doesn’t really care about what they do. This can be in a job, friendship, relationship or about any situation that you find yourself in. For example, a manager that lifts up their employees and lets them know that they are valued, will typically get a different response from employees than one that does not take that approach. This leads into todays exercise of appreciation.

Todays challenge is to participate in at least one act of appreciation. If someone does something for you and they know that you appreciate it, it will be taken in a more positive manner and will result in them continuing to assist you or help you. When appreciation is not given, it usually doesn’t take to long before the person helping out feels that they are doing it for no apparent reason and it slowly goes by the way side. I have seen this happen in many relationships.

When people get together, they are real excited to thank the other person or let them know that they liked and appreciated what the other person did for them. It doesn’t take long for someone to maybe just not continue to recognize it or to assume that the other person just ‘knows’ that they are appreciated. This is a downward spiral trap that you want to avoid. If someone does something for you, it doesn’t take much energy to acknowledge it with some sort of appreciation. This will keep their spirits high and let them know that you are thankful for them. So make it a point today to let others know that you appreciate what they do for you and see the difference that it makes in your own eyes.

Day 2 – Relationship Challenge (Kindness)

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Today is day two of the Relationship Challenge. I hope that you had a chance to use encouragement yesterday to try and lift someone up and motivate them in a positive manner. The point that I want to get across in several of these exercises is that sometimes the little things can make all the difference in the world. If you work on these little things and they become natural instinct for you, they can make a substantial difference in any and all of your relationships. As we go forward, don’t forget the exercises from the past days, but incorporate them also.

Everyone in society is in a rush to get somewhere, get something done or accomplish something. This usually results in less time and more stress then there was years ago. There are many times that individuals can have a short temper and not treat others as they would want to be treated themselves. This leads into todays exercise of kindness. There are many times that it doesn’t take any more energy or time to be kind to someone compared to treating them poorly. It does require some self control and thinking to initiate a different response than you may be use to though.

Todays challenge is to participate in at least one act of kindness for someone. This could be as simple as helping someone with something, getting something for them, appreciating them for something they have done or about anything else that they could perceive as a kind gesture. The key is to do it because you want to and it is on your heart to do it, not because you feel obligated to do it. If you work on this it will have an impact on others and therefor over time, will impact you.

Day 1 – Relationship Challenge (Encouragement)

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Today is the start of the Relationship Challenge. The one thing to keep in mind while going through this is that when you think positive, positive things happen. If you go about thinking negative, you can always find negative things to dwell on. This can pertain to all aspects of your life, not just relationships. People usually relate positive to encouraging.

Through my observations and talking with couples and people in general, I have come to the conclusion that we are leaning towards a self absorbed society and everyone is worried about themselves with sometimes little or no thought for others. So this leads us into Day 1 of the Relationship Challenge. Today’s challenge is to find something to encourage someone with. If they have done something right, then encourage them. If they have a positive characteristic that you admire, encourage them. If they need some motivation to work towards a goal or need to get something done, encourage them.

This needs to be approached in a loving manor and with the intent of getting nothing in return. The object is to work on lifting someone else up today. Everyone needs encouragement. We are so quick to judge and be demeaning to others sometimes, but how quick are we to actually jump in and encourage them?

Date with a Vampire!

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Early one warm summer Wednesday morning, I came walking into work. Brian, one of my co-workers started a conversation at the coffee pot. “My wife and I know this amazing woman that we think that you will hit it off with, so are you up for a blind date?”, he asked. I was not too quick to jump at the opportunity as I wanted to find out more information prior to agreeing to it. I went through some standard questions about wanting to know how old she was, what did she do for a living and did she have any kids. Not that any of this really matters in the scheme of things when you find that right person, but you have to start somewhere. I found out that she was around my age, was a dancer and didn’t have any kids. I started laughing when Brian told me that she was a dancer. “I don’t need to go out on a date with a stripper”, I joked amusingly. Brian reassured me that she was a classical dancer and not a stripper. I thought about it for a minute and decided to just go for it. How bad could a blind date really be anyway?

Friday night I headed over to her house to pick her up. I was a little nervous and excited at the same time. I got a rose on the way over there for her and slowly approached the door with it. I could feel my heart rate increase as I reached up to ring the door bell. The door opened and I stood there looking into Beth’s eyes (name is changed to protect the innocent). She was an attractive woman between 5 and 6 foot tall, had deep brown eyes and a nice smile. I thought to myself, this can’t be too bad. I introduced myself and handed her the rose and saw her eyes light up with a smile.

I walked Beth over to the passenger door and opened it for her. “Thank you!” she said as she looked into my eyes. It appeared to be a genuine look of appreciation. I closed the door for her and then started over to the drivers side. I figured I would stick with my original plan for the date after meeting her. I had selected an open area that we could go walk around and enjoy the weather. This would give us a chance to talk and get to know each other without the silence of a movie or the loud music at a dance club.

The next few hours were spent walking around. We laughed, joked and seemed to have a natural flowing conversation. We finished up and headed back to her house to drop her off. I walked Beth up to the door and thanked her for a good evening. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”, she asked. I took Beth up on her invitation as I figured it would give us more time to talk and find out more about each other.

Beth walked into the kitchen and got the coffee brewing. It appeared to be a nice home and well kept at that. “Would you like to see around?”, she asked. “Sure!”, I responded. We walked from room to room admiring her beautiful home. We continued down the hall after looking at the office. She slowly opened the door to show me her bedroom. The look on my face must have said it all, complete shock. Now I am not innocent and I do have a vivid imagination, but what I saw left me speechless. I looked into a mostly empty room that was painted white. The walls were covered with copious amounts of black and white Elvira pictures. Right in front of me was a wood coffin that looks like something that you would find in a haunted house. “I take it that you are an Elvira fan?”, I asked her as I stood there with a lack for any other words. “Yes I am!”, she softly replied. My mind started to wander and I didn’t know if this was a woman with a wild side or if she was crazy and slept in a coffin. “How do you like my coffin?”, she asked. I was speechless! Anything that I could have said at this point could have been taken the wrong way or miss construed and left me open for something that I was certainly not ready for at this time.

I politely excused myself at that time, thanking Beth for a good evening. As I was walking down the driveway, I could not stop thinking about what I had seen. How would it have been if the situation was different? Was I right to judge someone over something like that? Questions just kept entering my head and all I could do was think back to the dating experience that led to endless nights of frustration and eventually a restraining order, but that is another story.

 

Starting Over!

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It had been a long few years up to that point. A divorce that took way too long and turned ugly in a hurry!  It took several years, multiple states and several attorneys. I spent many a day wondering what I had done wrong to get to the point where the relationship just faded away. What had I done wrong to deserve the lies and deception that I had received? I spent endless nights wondering what it would be like to feel the touch of that special person and have that ultimate connection that we all dream of only to wake up in a nightmare from this past mistake. This started my journey to find out what it is that both men and women desire and what it is that makes couples last.

It has been an interesting road that I have traveled. I have learned lessons and have more than enough dating stories to tell. It is my goal to try and help anyone that I can with what I have been through and what I have learned from it all. If I am able to help one person or couple out, it is worth my time. I really wish that I could have had this knowledge 20 years ago instead of today, as it would have saved a bunch of heartache, headaches and tears along the way. Feel free to get a good laugh out of some of the stories that I have and what I have been through as I can’t help to laugh when I look back through it all now.

We all have choices in life on how to deal with what we have been through. The individual that we become is a direct result of how we deal with our past, either good or bad. I spent too many years ‘living in the past’ instead of ‘living for the future’. I kept looking back and ultimately ended up over analyzing everything. I have let the experiences that I have been through refine me into the individual that I am today and could not be happier with myself. I would describe this as contentment. It takes being content with yourself and loving yourself before you can ever truly love someone else.

I have now met the most incredible woman that tells me on a daily basis that I am the most loving and romantic guy that any woman could ask for and that I need to let others in on what I have learned. Therefore, the Desired Romance blog has been started and may my journey lead you on your own amazing journey!